Your bad habits are an emergency!
It started, this time, when my lab results came back. The ones they do for the annual physical. Everything was within normal limits except two tests that were slightly higher than the top threshold (by less than 1%, but still annoying). Then I weighed myself a few days later and nothing happened. As in nothing changed. The final blow came when I checked my credit card balance.
Like a perfect storm, sometime it seems like my bad habits creep up all at once. Each approaching from different angles; each destroying gains with different weapons. The first question is, what gives? I have a budget, meal plans, and exercise habits. It’s not like I’m ignorant of what happens if I eat half of a half gallon of ice cream or if I shop nonstop on Amazon while bingeing on true crime shows. No, I have made plans and implemented systems. So the next question emerges, why aren’t I using them?
Am I ‘Stressing Out?’
Most articles and studies will point out that a person’s good habits can break down under stress. But I don’t really feel stressed. Do I? Actually I don’t know what professionals mean when they say stress, so I decided to look it up. The American Institute of Stress (https://www.stress.org/what-is-stress) uses Hans Selye’s definition from 1936. Selye states that stress is ‘…the non-specific response of the body to any demand for change.’” That’s actually rather enlightening.
The “demand for change” part strikes a chord. But even Selye himself admitted the ambiguity: ‘In his later years, when asked to define stress, he told reporters, ‘Everyone knows what stress is, but nobody really knows.’” Um, okay.
Stress Isn’t All Bad
I understand the problem of defining stress. It stems from the fact that everyone derives energy and productivity from “good” stress (winning an election, landing a dream job) but most of us devolve into exhaustion and breakdown when there’s too much. In the late 70’s, a British cardiologist named Peter Nixon diagrammed the relationship between stress level and functioning (see the derivative of it displayed here.) I had never heard of this diagram before I looked up stress but I’m glad to know about it. It makes so much sense!
Human Function Curve
Notice on the left, where pressure (stress) is lowest, there is boredom. Similarly on the right, too much pressure leads to breakdown. The key, obviously, is to operate within the range of pressure that enables “high motivation/peak performance.” To do so we must know where we land on the pressure axis based on our circumstances.
The Pressure Axis
Consider a possible day. You start a new project at work with a specific deadline. Then you get an email that a close relative in a different city is in the hospital; you’ll need to take time off work to visit and help out. Then when you get home your kid tells you he has a huge math test tomorrow and he needs your help to study.
Your life changed from manageable to sh*t in the course of a few hours. And none of it was your fault. It’s fair to say you are not in that area of the diagram labeled “right amount of pressure.” What many of us do (including me) when we find ourselves in such a place is to hunker down and plow through. Stay up late; do more; go in early. Sound familiar? The problem, however, is that hunkering down pushes us further to the right on the pressure axis (the horizontal line) and that is not going to help.
Optimize Your Position
What to do? Let’s answer that with what I mentioned above: focus on recognizing where you land. That’s imperative because it helps you plan your next move. After the hypothetical day described above you may find you are now in the fatigue or even exhaustion stage. Since you now know that more pressure will continue to move you to the right on that axis, you decide to take a step back and reassess your options. You decide not to bulldoze through a hastily composed, mile long to-do list. Instead you opt to determine if you can change some of the expectations that put you in the “too much pressure” region to begin with.
Every good plan begins with prioritizing your tasks. Since your kid’s test is the next day, get going on that first. Then you can decide between the other situations. If your deadline for the work project is far enough away, you can speak with your team or supervisors the next day. Explain you have a family emergency and ask for a small extension.
If the relative’s condition is stable, then maybe you call him or his caretaker and explain your situation. You will visit later but stay longer. Either way the key is not to automatically just kick things into high gear. That’s the knee-jerk reaction and such reactions are almost always wrong.
Am I ‘Unstressed Out?’
Another situation might look like this. Your job is moving along just fine lately but when you get home you find you’re just laying around in front of the TV or skimming Instagram all night. Maybe laundry is piling up; errands are undone; messages are not returned. You’re just a blob and you don’t feel like doing anything.
Let’s again settle this by looking at our curve. In the situation above you’re probably too far to the left on the pressure axis. You are bored. You may even manage to keep up with your household chores or your social obligations but because you still feel like a blob then you are not in the sweet spot.
Prioritize Personal Tasks and Goals
Now that you know you’re too far to the left, you can stop and assess your home life. Are there things you need to do but are putting off? Is there an adventure you want to plan but haven’t gotten around to? Set up a short to-do list and schedule your tasks. Create a deadline for those personal needs just like you would for any obligation at work or with your family.
For example, say you want to go on a vacation. Instead of just blowing off the planning because you’re tired or you have more pressing commitments, decide to spend fifteen minutes every night after dinner researching possible places to go. Once you’ve decided where then you can start determining the cost and how you’ll prepare for it financially. When you commit to these types of activities you force yourself to choose or plan an event by a certain date. You actually impose a little pressure on yourself, thus moving to the right on that axis and closer to the sweet spot.
Good Habits Suffer On Either Side of the Sweet Spot
All of this brings us to my hemorrhaging bad habits. Why am I feeling so out of control? I’m too far to the left on the pressure axis right now. As a teacher, I have eight straight weeks off in the summer. It’s great and it’s horrible at the same time. Great, obviously, because my time is my own; no getting up at 4:45 AM; no taking work home. Plenty of time to finish projects I’ve been putting off around the house or to travel to places too far away to visit on just a weekend.
The horrible part, however, is that my time is my own. Which means it is purely my own fault if things don’t get done or traveling doesn’t take place. I can’t blame it on being stressed out or too busy. Failure to live in the pressure sweet spot during summer is all on me.
When I find myself hemorrhaging in this way, I now know I need to look at that curve and figure out which way to move on that pressure axis. Most summer days I need to move more to the right. That means a to-do list that’s thoughtfully prioritized and enforcement of an early to bed/early to rise regimen. On the rare occasions when I’m experiencing too much pressure on vacation days, I need to stop and, again, prioritize my tasks and obligations. The truth is that not everything has the same amount of urgency or importance.
Urgent Does Not Equal Important
And urgency and importance are not synonymous (see The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People, by Stephen Covey). If I’m stressed on a particular day because I have to take a relative to the doctor, pick up groceries, finish the laundry, and make some important phone calls then it’s pretty obvious that the doctor appointment is at the top of the list.
There’s certainly enough food in the house to last another day; the laundry could probably be reduced to one small load that gets me through tomorrow; I can most likely make a phone call or two in the car while my relative sits in the waiting room. Or perhaps that doctor visit is important but not urgent. In that case, you reschedule the appointment and reprioritize your list.
Notice How You Feel
How we feel on a particular day can be improved by some quick observations. The Human Function Curve is a simple tool, but it’s effectiveness is undeniable. It forces us to look at what we’re doing and to remember that we can change our approach. This doesn’t guarantee we’ll never have a bad day, but it does mean we have tools that can help. Even if all we do on a bad day is just realize it’s bad because we’re too far to the left or right of that sweet spot, I call that winning.
Awareness is crucial in improving our lives. Let’s give ourselves a break by noticing what’s not our fault and taking a few baby steps toward that sweet spot. Perhaps committing to that journey should be the first thing on our to-do lists.