Image by Nenad Mećava from Pixabay
Maybe it’s happened to you. You’re at work and a new procedure or protocol is being implemented. It’s not tremendously difficult or overly time consuming, although perhaps you disagree with it because after all, management has to justify their existence by coming up with new stuff every so often even if the old stuff was just fine the way it was. So whatever. You fall in line, learn the new thing or procedure, figure out how to expend minimal effort to incorporate it into all the other things you do and pretty soon it’s second nature. You don’t even realize you’re doing it. All in a day’s work.
When you have a chance to talk to a colleague or two a few days later, however, you realize something. Everyone’s pissed. They are annoyed at being bossed into something unnecessary, inefficient, and well, stupid. Why do we have to do it this way? It doesn’t even apply to my area of expertise. It’s not relevant to my objectives. I don’t have time to learn something new! But, you say, c’mon guys! It’s not that big a deal; I can help you if you want. And you try to explain: just learn it; learn it well enough to look good at it. You don’t have to love it or campaign for it or become emotionally invested in it. Just play the part.
It Doesn’t Matter What Side You’re On
I’ve been on both sides of such situations. Many more times I’ve been on the pissed side. The I hate this and leave me alone side. Sometimes the energy generated by the annoyance and anger led me to articulate my objections logically and persuasively to whomever my supervisor was and the new oppressive thing was avoided.
Other times I just stewed for a few days and gave in, muttering and complaining in my head about the utter burden of it all. Hating not only the inefficiency or redundancy of whatever task I was assigned but also loathing myself for having to follow stupid orders to begin with. It was sort of a catch 22: I work here, so I’m expected to do what I’m told. But I’m still an intelligent human being and doing stupid things kills my soul just a little bit every day.
Let Yourself Roll With It
As I’ve grown older and wiser, however, I’ve realized that most of the time it’s actually better to simply agree and minimize the damage with some creative reorganization. Learn the new “skill” or task and make it look easy. And shut up about it.
I’ve found I look and feel more like a true badass that way. Like I’m showing management I’m bulletproof: go ahead, add another item to my job description, make my day. The more inefficient, redundant, or just plain poorly designed the better. Then as I flawlessly implement it, the effects (if the task is truly stupid) unravel management’s plans and they have no one to blame but themselves.
New Things are Difficult for Some People
Not everyone feels this way. I have numerous colleagues who really struggle with implementing new tasks that are required of them and it’s not always due to stubbornness. The truth of the matter is that for some folks, new things are hard. Learning a new task, designing a new routine, solving a problem in a new way—such things are frightening to some people and they rebel.
I’ve seen it enough personally to know it’s true. People who are otherwise very intelligent, capable, skilled, and mature sometimes just have a meltdown when someone mixes things up a bit. My students, who are sixteen to eighteen, are the same way. Some are ready to go with new stuff all the time; many more are pissed about it.
Of course, considering it’s school, it’s not surprising that kids aren’t head over heels about a new lesson. Some of them, however, really are averse to new things. Perhaps they are the ones who grow up to be that way on the job and/or in their relationships.
Communicate Your Concerns
It reminds me of something I heard once that I’ll paraphrase: you can look a lot more intelligent just by paying attention. So maybe we can add to that: you can look a lot more skilled if you take on new tasks without bitching too much about them. Something like that. I’ve trained myself to just roll with it (at least in public) and then, if necessary, and it’s actually not too often, I’ll present my objections in private to the appropriate party.
When you talk to someone in private about a conflict it makes it much easier for the other person to hear you without getting defensive. Often that person will compromise a little and even if he doesn’t you at least know you handled it thoughtfully. Definitely a win-win. Couple the private discussion with public rolling with it and you look like a rockstar. Like someone who is effortlessly good at what he does.
Don’t Underestimate the Importance of Cooperation
And here’s the interesting part, maybe that’s what it’s all about. Imagine that: you don’t have to be uncommonly brilliant, insanely talented, or a wunderkind. You just need to be cooperative for your friends, coworkers, or supervisors to think, “Wow, she’s got it together.” Sure, you should cultivate your brilliance and talent; you should strive to be your best. But I bet that cooperating (especially if others aren’t) will get noticed more. And if you’re playing the employment game (that one where you try to be your best so you’ll get raises or promotions or bonuses), you might as well execute a few easy moves (i.e., cooperating) once in awhile. Especially if they work.
Maybe you have already figured this out. Maybe you glide along at your chosen field of work and everything is just coming up roses. Perhaps your personal life is golden and your finances are rock solid. Have you ever considered that it’s because you’re just good?
Most people don’t give themselves the credit they deserve; they think they should be humble and self-deprecating because they don’t want others calling them narcissistic or overbearing. You’re expected to not toot your own horn; that’s etiquette.
Whether you agree with that or not, though, doesn’t mean you can’t feel confident and effortlessly awesome. It doesn’t mean you can’t think good things about yourself. Perhaps it’s sort of like what they say about happiness and success: you’re not happy because you’re successful, you’re successful because you’re happy. So maybe you don’t become confident because you’re good; maybe you become good because you’re confident.
Confidence First
The confidence I’m talking about is not pride taken in a job well done or a goal reached. Such things absolutely build confidence but they don’t equal it. Instead, confidence is a basic sense of faith in oneself. It doesn’t only result from good outcomes; it also results from a good relationship with yourself. And it’s not reckless or arrogant.
I consider myself quite confident, for example, but I would never tell myself to just hop in that cockpit and fly a 747 since I’m good. But it does mean that if I absolutely had to learn to fly then yeah, I could do it. I know I would find the right people to teach me and that I would make the commitment necessary to fly safely. I know that if I were to run into trouble that I would ask for help.
That’s what confidence is. It predates any accomplishments or endeavors. It stands on its own. That means yes, you can turn it on. You can cultivate it and activate it. Whenever you decide.
You Already Posses Some Excellence
So how can you cultivate your confidence? Some people are raised that way. Their parents taught them that they have the chutzpah to get things done. And that’s great, but it’s not necessary. There are plenty of folks who figure it out as they go along. You can be one of those. It starts with, at the very least, considering that you do in fact have some worth right this very minute.
Surely you can think of something about yourself that is positive: you are patient; you love animals; you bring the party. It’s not psychobabble to give yourself credit for any such characteristics. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise: the people who have good relationships with themselves know damn well that they have value and they would never consider that believing so is “new agey” or insignificant.
Copy Someone Who Is Effortlessly Good
The next step is to seek some mentoring. You probably know someone who exhibits the confidence that you seek; someone who is seemingly effortlessly good at what they do. Ask them how they do it. Ask them how they got where they are.
If you’re not lucky enough to have someone like that in your life, read about someone who is. Autobiographies are best; you want the actual words of the people who walk the talk. Blogs can be very enlightening as well. There’s a lot of talent out there. Email someone. Call someone. Just don’t you dare let yourself believe that there’s no one who can help or inspire you. That’s a lie.
Let Go!
Finally, do what W. H. Auden said, “…Look if you like, but you will have to leap.” You’re possibly never going to feel 100% confident about anything. But you can certainly reason with yourself.
For me, I decided that I would take the “leap” by first reminding myself that I’m the best I can be right now and everyday I learn more. It will work out. And if it doesn’t, I’ll get help and fix it. And every time that I simply take the leap, regardless of the outcome, I win. Because every time I take the leap I commit to believing in myself enough to say bring it.
Sometimes those words are fierce; sometimes they’re barely audible. But they’re true. It really does start and end there. When you’ve practiced it enough you worry much less about the risk; you know it’s there but it doesn’t paralyze you. You leap. And that leaping is, possibly, 99% of being effortlessly good. Don’t disrespect it.