Following through on your goals feels this good!
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A few years ago a friend laughed at something I said. We were talking about vegging out too much over the weekend and not getting anything done. We both regretted it but agreed it was sure nice while it lasted. I shared how I always planned to make a to-do list and exercise more but I just never did. I would never follow through on my goals.
She laughed and mocked me. “So you have great ideas and plans, you just never do anything about them!” I laughed, too, because it was true! I couldn’t believe how simple that statement was and how accurate. It made me wonder: Is that really all there is to it? Am I seriously not reaching goals and getting things done because I don’t follow through? Because, essentially, I just don’t feel like it?
It’s Hard to Say No
I had made a breakthrough around that same time about eating recreationally. I’ve never had a serious problem around food but I knew I sometimes ate as sort of a hobby. That wasn’t a practice I wanted to continue. My epiphany at the time was that often I ate to reward or entertain myself. After a long day or at the completion of a difficult project or just when I was down and wanted to feel better, I would sometimes give in and have six or eight cookies. Or most of the cake. Or a lot of peanut butter.
I ate that way sometimes because I was tired of saying no to myself. Tired of not getting what I want because there was so much else to do. Fed up with taking care of other people’s needs. Surely I wasn’t expected to say no to a chunk of cheesecake or an afternoon of grazing?
“No,” to me, always meant deprivation, rejection, or unkindness. It never occurred to me that saying no to some of my inclinations might be entirely positive. In fact, following through with new habits or goals is going to require saying no. I have to reject bad habits or practices if I want to move ahead. Once that became clear, following through with my plans became a little easier. I was not rejecting my comfort or needs or identity, I was simply choosing something different. And better.
Stress Can Lead to Bad Habits
Being a grown up with a job, a mortgage, and a family means there’s a lot to do. We all feel overwhelmed now and then. Some people handle those feelings by reorganizing their home and work lives. They prioritize some tasks and duties and recognize that others may need to be left undone or put off. Or at least not done to perfection.
Other people, like me, reacted to being overwhelmed by staying up later, doing more, and then being pissed off when that didn’t work. Fatigue would lead to bad results; bad results turned to bad habits. I decided I deserved a treat any time the going got tough. And there was always something on the shelf or in the freezer that would call my name.
Sometimes we struggle with bad habits or outcomes because we are uneducated about something. Perhaps one person is overweight because he hasn’t learned much about nutrition. Maybe another person lives paycheck to paycheck because she doesn’t know how much things cost and is always breaking her budget (if she even has one). And it’s possible some of us feel overwhelmed because we have never learned to prioritize, organize, and set boundaries. Or once we did prioritize and organize, we simply rarely followed through.
Don’t Just Set Goals, Follow Through
Maybe that feels familiar to you. It turns out that not following through is kind of a habit of mine. At least in those areas where it’s purely personal. When it comes to my “outside” self, the part of me that interacts with the rest of the world, I’m pretty on it. I’ve graduated from college, found good employment, and accumulated certifications and licenses to move up the ladder in my various careers. When I’m at home, however, I tend to let myself slack off a bit. I’ve always viewed my commitments to myself as, I guess, negotiable.
That brings me back to the lack of education thing. It may sound ridiculous but I never learned how to give myself a break without letting everything just fall apart. I couldn’t just enjoy dessert, I had to eat as much as I wanted. I didn’t plan an hour or two for reading or meeting with friends, I just quit for the day and vegged. Instead of a quick nap on a day off, I would sleep in front of the TV all day.
I tended to think (and sometimes still do) that I was either all on or all off. And it usually coincided with what the job or those close to me demanded. When I had fulfilled everyone else’s needs, I was so tired of commitments that I rebelled against any commitments to myself. I assumed they would be just more obligation and chores. I was so wrong.
Commit to Your Own Well Being
I can’t really remember when the transition started happening, but I know how. Books and articles and blogs started showing up in my life talking about goal setting, goal achievement, and how habits tied into both. I learned that habits are essentially the goals themselves since a series of habits forms a system of behavior and only good systems could yield good results.
Establishing good systems meant I had to consider my outside commitments and my personal ones at the same time. From dozens and dozens of articles, podcasts, TED talks, and books I learned that I couldn’t effectively honor my chosen obligations—I couldn’t end the war between inside me and outside me—without truly regarding my own needs as equal to those of everyone else.
Once I believed in honoring my commitments to myself, the teachings and research about habits and systems began rescuing me from some rather ineffective (and sometimes downright destructive) behaviors. For example, instead of just waking up everyday and opening the fridge to see what’s available (or settling down with leftover cake and a fork), I have a system for eating. Not a rigid menu or list that I check off, but a collection of acceptable food items for each meal.
Attach New Habits to Existing Ones
The desire for a healthy diet didn’t require logging all my meals or planning everything that I would eat. I just needed to shop for acceptable food items from which to make meals and snacks and not buy anything I know I tend to binge on. Making a list to use at the grocery story was already a habit. Adding better choices to the list I was already making was easy.
So when I realize I need to modify an existing behavior, solve a problem, or commit to a new goal, I build a system for it. Which is not as complicated as it sounds. In many cases, like with the grocery buying, it simply means I anchor the new activity to something I already do.
I decided recently, for example, that I wanted to do more strength training. So I set up Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for push ups (I know it doesn’t sound like much, but they’re hard for me!) since those are already stretching days. When I decided that meditation needed to be part of my life, I connected it to when I brush my teeth. That way I have at least two opportunities every day to remember to do it.
Reorganize to Prioritize New Habits
Sometimes building a system means reorganizing a room or an area to make the new system work easily and mindlessly. I walk and run everyday with my two big hound boys, even on work days. This means I have to have their leashes, harnesses, poop bags, and other paraphernalia all in the same place in order to get going on time.
I used to store their stuff and suit them up in the laundry room, but they would run away from me in their excitement and get distracted by the rest of the family. So I created a dog station in the garage right next to the back door. Not only is everything stored there but I also have enough floor space in which to gear them up. We get on the road fast and spend way more time having fun instead of puttering around looking for stuff.
None of these practices are particularly earth shattering. They do, however, simplify the process of changing behavior by rapidly and easily creating a plan. Connect new, desired behaviors to already entrenched ones and organize your living space to make following through on those new behaviors easier. It works.
When I set a goal, I want to attain it. That means not only making a plan, but following through. Living it. Tweaking it. Owning it. Because when I keep saying, “I’d like to eat more healthfully” or “I need to get at least seven hours of sleep a night,” and then I never do it, I feel irritable and unhappy. I’m tired of that outcome.
There are many ways to achieve your intentions by making new, positive habits stick. It’s a constant commitment to follow through on your goals but it’s well worth it. Making plans is energizing and rejuvenating, but living those plans is absolutely empowering.