Image by John Hain from Pixabay
During my growing up years in the late sixties and early seventies, there was no internet. No cable or satellite TV. Just three networks that literally went off the air every night after the 11:00 news. And not only were there no mobile phones, there was only one phone for our whole house. It had a rotary dial (look that up) and a super long cord so you could take it into a bedroom if you needed privacy.
We went to school, of course, and played with other kids in the neighborhood. There was scouting and youth groups at church. There were family get togethers, jobs where friends were made, places where people my age hung out. Those years were marked by near constant human interaction yet none of it felt invasive. Why? Because when you went home you were on your own. There was no Facebook or Instagram or phones on which people could continue their conversations nonstop. No one worried about who was liking anything. When you left your friends and walked through the doors of your house no one followed you in.
You are never alone
People growing up today don’t have that baseline to compare to. They think that it’s perfectly normal that everyone communicates with everyone else all the time. They assume that it’s important, if not actually necessary, that others not only read their words but also approve of them. And whatever activities they describe. This is simply what life is, right? Everyone lives this way or should live this way. It’s what’s done in our modern times.
I certainly think that it’s fine to keep up with friends and family on social media. I also, however, believe what the designers of those platforms have professed numerous times: that they are designed to be addictive and they can be downright harmful. The use of such media tends to lock one into a bubble; a bubble that is inhabited by friends and foes alike. Post a cute pet photo and everyone loves it. Post the wrong thing, however, and you piss everyone off. You’ll be ostracized. Like in high school when you annoyed someone more popular than yourself and got kicked out of the clique.
I do not possess any social media accounts, as I’ve stated before on this blog. Sure, I still waste time on the internet shopping or reading stuff that is sometimes awesome and sometimes trash. But no one sends me any messages about how stupid my purchases are or what a moron I am for reading a particular website. I experience no attacks and I solicit no one’s approval or advice when I’m online. I simply shop and read when I want. Where I want. No judgment asked for nor accepted.
Freedom means never having to worry about likes
I find it sad that so many people are denied this freedom: the freedom to simply do and be what you want without an onslaught of unwelcome opinions harshing your buzz. Since I teach high school I see that my students (who are mostly seniors, aged seventeen to eighteen) are fully submerged in their social media platforms. They communicate there, hangout there, post anything and everything that happens to them. And they bully each other. Like crazy. Some of them have suffered a great deal from online stalkers and haters. They sometimes report it and occasionally something (ineffectual) is done. But hardly any of them quit putting themselves out there; they don’t even consider disengaging. As if they don’t know how to live outside their social media identity.
Certainly some kids must decide to drop out of that whole scene. More power to ‘em. But too many people think that none of us, whether we are impressionable teenagers or bona fide adults, can separate ourselves from the tentacles of social media. People say that it’s unreasonable or too difficult to quit media platforms that have become ingrained in our lives. They act like it’s foolish to even think such a thing. That refusal to let go of something toxic, however, is perhaps the biggest part of the problem.
Yes, teenagers are extremely social. Platforms like Instagram, Snapchat, or Tik Tok give them places to see what others are up to and to showcase themselves. That is truly vital to them in many ways. But as adults, we have to be the ones who let them in on the little secret that there is life apart from their devices. We have to be willing to lead by example. And to do that, we need to believe in that ourselves: that life is apart from devices. And, despite the social nature of our human makeup, even apart from others. Who we are is up to us; we should not create a self based on consensus.
That’s not to say we get no benefit from fitting in or that we have to sever all our social media accounts to save our individualism. But we have to learn some way, like generations of individuals have done before us, of growing into our authentic selves. Of figuring out what really matters in our own lives. Of recognizing that who we become will not necessarily please everyone nor should we want it to. Even in the midst of all the social noise in today’s world.
Basically, let go. Of everything.
I just want people to let go of the criticism of one another. It’s not going to change anything by calling others idiots and such. Even if they are. And, make no mistake, there are idiots in charge and all around us. We ourselves are all idiots at one time or another. That’s the thing to take away from today’s nasty social and political atmosphere. You think that guy is a moron? Rest assured: the feeling is mutual. Feel better?
Rather than venting and reducing anger, rabidly judging others increases our hostility. I get more pissed when I talk or even think too much about something annoying someone else has said, written, or done. At some point in life I learned that arguing (with myself or someone else) rarely changes anything. It’s better to learn ways to avoid frustration than to try to convince others they are the cause of it and need to change. I imagine people also probably feel that way about me, at least some of the time.
Perhaps taking stock of our online habits would be beneficial for all of us. No one needs all of our opinions nor do we need theirs. And know, despite what anyone may say, that yes you can live without Facebook or Instagram. Or whatever else pops up. Human beings don’t need any digital presence to survive. In fact, we may be a lot happier with considerably less of it. There is truth to the old saying that you can have too much of a good thing.
Or a bad thing.